Say Yes to your Wife

Agreement!  It is a soothing calming force on any relationship.

But getting to that point takes effort, or can take an effort in some of our daily relationships.  Think about a time when there wasn’t agreement between co-workers, family or friends, there is very often a tension, like a rubber band expanded around all of the parties involved but instead of everyone being concentrated in one area, thus relaxing the potential for the rubber band to snap sending fragments into the abyss, each individual stands for their own position, isolated at different corners of the spectrum.  This places severe tension on the entire structure of the band increasing the odds for destruction.  So, how do we get to agreement?  What is it that makes us able to say, “Yes, and …” with confidence and without ego?

Before looking at some of the more complex relationships we are thrown into, without necessarily having a choice, we could benefit from looking at how we can incorporate and study how we have agreement or why we are able to say, “Yes”, in the relationships in which we choose to enter.  In my instance it would be my wife, a relationship I have chosen to commit myself to and one in which the importance of the following things are easy to come by without a seconds hesitation …

A – Always trust

B – Being present

C – Create opportunities

D – Determine brilliance

My ability to say, “Yes”, or be in agreement and throw conflict to the wind is directly tied to these four elements.  As long as I trust, am open to finding the path together, not fearing failure with her, and knowing her brilliant qualities it is easy to move forward and progress into the future with a Yes, and …!  At anytime agreement is hard to find it is not that Yes can’t be said, but rather because Yes can’t occur without trust, presence, failing and the acknowledgement of brilliance.  This is true of all relationships we are in, however, the relationship we enter into willingly and that will last for the rest of our lives should have these at a strength to withstand the pressure of the strongest windstorm.  So, it is by saying, “Yes”, we reach agreement, and by saying, “Yes”, and finding that agreement that we are saying this person is worthy of trust and that we are willing to create opportunities by the potential of failing.   When agreement is lacking there is the indication that one of these crucial elements of the improvisers soul is in need of strengthening, and looking at A through D again. Aren’t those all things which your spouse should receive from you?

Don’t get me wrong, I do not achieve this state on a daily basis, but the more I work towards agreement the closer I find myself to her, and the more love I feel for her.  So what do I do when that agreement is farther away than I would like?  I force self-analysis, or rely on my family to point out where I am lacking at that moment.  Then rather than just saying, “Yes, ” I put my energy towards mending one of steps A through D.  Once I enter into this state, the agreement can come.  Perhaps this disclaimer should have come at the beginning of the blog entry, but I am in no way  kind of marriage counselor, but have found that this incorporation brings ME closer to my wife.

For me most of the time it is reminding myself of my wife’s brilliance – as I watch her with our children I see the brilliance within her exude from her to them as she is making them actual human beings, as opposed to virtual human beings.

Or it is trusting her and sacrificing for her when I see how she takes care of me and makes sure I have all I need emotionally, supportively and dietarily, I have some highly strange dietary allergies which require much of her attention, and if she wanted me gone it is entirely within her power.

Or it is me reminding myself that we are on this path together, that I should be present with her and we should find the path together.  When we do this the world contains infinite possibilities and excitement.

Or it is not fearing anything and understanding the difference between fear and excitement with her, knowing that any failure TOGETHER is an opportunity.

My wife deserves this agreement, she has earned the Yes, and ... which will take us into the future together.   Shouldn't you say, "Yes", to your wife?

What happens to you when you start focusing on this within the relationship you are in on a daily basis?  You start to alter how you handle situations in all parts of life as it carries itself to friendships and business.  After all, if you can’t say yes to the relationship you have chosen, how can you bring this agreement to relationships you are forced to hold?  And if you can’t have agreement in a relationship you are in, why are you still in that relationship.  You see, agreement is more than saying, “Yes”, it represents the culmination of trust, presence, failing and the acknowledgement of brilliance.  Can you fake it and just SAY, “Yes”?  Sure.  Over time, however, it will leave you bitter, hostile and resentful.  Don’t fake it!  Let the, “Yes”, be born as a result of mastering the importance of the steps that precede.

This is just one of the techniques to apply to your life.  Marrying this with the other elements gives greater success. Contact us for implementation strategies and workshop information.